Thursday, January 16, 2014

27 Weeks! Rockin 'N Guilt Rollin

I had my 27 week check up the other day and I must say that I am pretty darn proud of myself! Being that the only thing holding up my pants is a belly band and the fact that I have already hit up Victoria's Secret TWICE for new bras (I make the hubbs feel sorry for me and I always get to walk out with new jammies), it's safe to say that I was scared to hop on that scale and damn near took off my stud earrings and panties trying to seem light as a feather stiff as a board..but to my surprise, Dr. V was super proud of me and said I had only gained 14lbs! He said that's what he was hoping for by the 20 week mark which means it was a given that I hauled ass outta the doctor's office, I may have left tire marks in the parking lot and went to slam an entire enchilada plate, WOOT WOOT!!! Yes, well deserved well deserved.

Well last blog I mentioned me having those extremely guilty feelings of not knowing how I would be able to love another child and the reason I bring it up is because I just have not felt entirely "in tune" with this pregnancy. I mean let's keep it straight up, I am such an open book that I would feel guilty if I sat here and told my readers that I had the same feelings this time around than when I was pregnant with Mia. I think a lot has to do with the struggle that it took to conceive Mia and then when it finally happened, she was SO planned out, I SAW her being inserted into my womb so to speak, she was SO on schedule, SO predictable I mean we chose her sex for crying out loud! I played music for her every day (I'm pretty sure she thought Robin Thicke was her daddy for a while), I read to her so she could know that's "mommy's voice", I read the books, I did it ALL! It's not to say that I am not HAPPY, or not EXCITED or THRILLED (given the fact that we were told we could never conceive)'s just...this time around I forget I'm even pregnant at times, last night I told my husband "damn I'm such an a**hole I haven't even given her a taste of my silky soul music" and of course he just laughs and says ponle headphones maƱana, to sum it up I haven't really felt extremely preggo nor have I nurtured this pregnancy as much as I did last. So...

When talking to my husband I asked him so what's the secret to loving another child? He said you love them equally, but differently. I said to him ok..explain. He said for instance,"with the twins I love them   the same, but you see Carlette is a girl and it's a different kind of love. I love that she's compassionate, she rubs my feet, gives me pedicures, she scratches my head when I have headaches, she takes care of me, I know that she needs me and it's a good feeling to know that she has a heart of gold and will take care of me when i'm older and I know she knows that I would do anything for her and she's my little girl, I never want to see her grow up and the thought of me giving her away one day breaks my heart.  You see, David Julian well he's a boy, one day you love him chingos and the next you want to fight him y le vale todo meaning (he could give a rat's ass about anything or anyone) lol. He wants to charge when I ask him to scratch my head, he gives me attitude and thinks he knows better than me but he's my hunting buddy and I wouldn't want to be in a blind hunting with anyone but him. I would take a bullet for him cause he's my little boy and he's my blood, and he's going to carry my name and I brought him into this world and I know that once he grows out of his teenager phase he's going to realize that he needs me and he's going to be my best friend. Mia, well she's a baby and she's so lovable and so funny and her personality can make any shitty day better and she also will take care of me when i'm older and do all the things that little girl's do, as it is she's already so in love with me (I can attest to that) . When the new baby comes around I'm going to love her equally also, but she's not going to have Carlette, DJ, or Mia's personality and she's going to be her own person and I'm going to love her as much as the rest just the way she is. But if you lined them up I could never tell you that I love one more than the other, cause they're mine and I would do anything for all of them but just like they are all different, you love them differently".

So there it is. Despite my fears and feelings I vow to myself to embrace the last few weeks of my pregnancy, to read to her, sing to her (umm no I mean play music for her, God knows she'd be covering her ears with her tiny E.T like fingers), I'm going to prepare her nursery like she was a first and do all those things I know she deserves. But more than anything, I am going to embrace a new type of  love in my life and that is the love for another child. If anyone has ever felt like this BEFORE having a second, please feel free to let me know...and if you haven't just make me feel better lol

Leather Blazer - (old) similar
White Tank Top - Old Navy (in store)
Boyfriend Jeans - Gap 
Hand Bag - Marc Jacobs (old) but loving this  
Color Block Heels - Gianni Bini (old)
Sunnies - Rayban 
Toy Watch - Nordstrom

1 comment:

  1. I was SO scared (like fell to the floor crying like a mensa) when I found out I was preggie with Bella. Sadie had JUST turned 1 and I was in no way ready for another. I had no idea my heart was able to love another princess the way I love Bella. My two littles are SO different and I can not imagine my life without my wild child. I love each differently but both sooo much like your hubby says you will. And you will LOVE Mia and LOVE your new princess chingos, promise!!!!

    Love ya Gorgie mama!!